Yes, No

Responding to a request for your involvement, you can say ‘yes’, you can say ‘no’.

To be professional, courteous and considerate, there’s a way to say ‘yes’, and there’s a way to say ‘no’.

Let’s start with ‘no’.

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When you say ‘no’ to a request, you should keep in mind this structure: ‘yes, no, yes’. You open with an acceptance of the person asking, an acquiescence, an acknowledgement of the request. “Thanks for asking me to participate. I appreciate it.”

Then comes the ‘no’, and then there will be another acquiescence. “Maybe sometime in the future.” Or “maybe there’s someone else that could be a better fit.” The point is to open up options for the benefit of the other person’s deliberation.

Your ‘no’ should not explain too much. “I have to say ‘no’” (for private reasons). No need to explain why you must decline, you don’t owe an explanation. “I must decline. I can’t take this on.”

In its shortest form, a ‘yes, no, yes’ could simply be: “Thanks. I have to say no this time. I hope you’ll find the help you’re looking for.”

Or: “Thanks for asking me. I won’t pursue this right now. Maybe in the future.”

But you must mean it. Because a ‘yes’ is a commitment.

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A ‘yes’ should be free, independent. It must come with all the conditions having been met for your participation, which you’ll have stated prior. When all conditions are met (price, timeline, deliverables, etc.), you’re free to commit, and if you say ‘yes’, you must.

Your ‘yes’ should come not only with a commitment, but it should also come with your excitement, or it might as well have been a ‘no’ all along. A ‘yes’ requires preparation.

And if you said ‘yes’ to too many requests, you must say ‘no’, because a ‘no’ is a ‘yes’ to all other yeses you previously gave.

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Whether you say accept with excitement, or whether you decline, you’re helpful to the person asking. You’re showing how to act with integrity and service, how to act when you’re serious about your work.